Who I am

Wishing someone would understand what it is I’ve fought all my life. It was never to make my life easier or to become a very rich person as that never interested me. I grew up always sensing that something was not right in the world I saw. One of my first memories was President John Kennedy being shot and killed. Then listening to President Johnson talk on the radio about Vietnam while riding around with my Grandparents throughout the Ohio countryside. Hearing of the civil rights marches led by Dr. King, hearing of his ultimate assassination. Malcolm X and Bobby Kennedy too. Watching a war fought in Vietnam on TV every night or protests against it. 
Race riots and political speeches were always played out in front of me. The whole time I would sit and listen to the radio or watch the TV news even as a young child. I was a good kid or at least that is what I’ve been told. Very neat and clean as I’d have school clothes and play clothes I new the difference and would change my clothes without being told. I played with toys and would pick up after myself when done. My Grandpa bought me this tiny set of cowboys and Indians there were hundreds, I saw them in a store in New York City on one of our trips there in the late 60’s. Grandpa must have seen my eyes as I marveled at this bag of horses, cowboys and Indians. 
I was spending my weekends and most of my summers at my grandparents as both of my parents worked. I would get up in the mornings and set up great battles with these toys. The horses were black or brown and the cowboys and Indians were red, green and blue except for one Indian was yellow that became me in this fantasy play. Even when I went outside to play I took my Winchester pop gun and climbed up into the crabapple tree and would imagine fighting off the cowboys protecting my tribe. Always have wondered if this is where I got the wanting of long hair? Thank God for the 70’s as it became the style. Today my hair is almost past the middle of my back and every haircut bugs me until it grows back. 
As you may sense I was a loner in ways as I spent a lot of time that way and not necessarily by choice. My sister is 5 years older and most of my first cousins are now in there late sixties or seventies. I was the baby of the entire family and never had anyone my age to play with. So it was me and imagination.
When I started school the first day was a total embarrassment to me as I showed up without the magazine and other things that everyone else had. This may have created or contributed to my dislike day one of school. I spent a lot of time that year in the principles office doing my work and talking to the principle about how I didn’t understand why I had to take a nap. I didn’t need one and I wanted to learn about everything instead of drawing and wasting time sleeping. I don’t remember his name but he was a great guy. 
At home I played with the boy behind my house Tommy and his older brother who beat Tommy up all of the time. I hated watching this but sat and watched it happen. Their mom would yell and scream but it never stopped. On the weekends I’d be back at grandma and grandpas doing my thing. In those days it seemed as if we were always around family. My cousins in Michigan then New Jersey, or  throughout Ohio as we traveled a lot. Being so much younger I was of course left with my only true friend, my imagination. Maybe calling it that is wrong but I was always able to play quietly on my own never be coming bored.
There were some blank periods when I was young that I am honestly not sure of the timeline as it was kept from me as to what was going on. I have almost total recall of my younger days except one fact that has effected me more than just a side note. My sister became seriously ill at some point when I was about 3. She was hospitalized for almost a year in a vegetative state from some form of meningitis. I in ways remember her absence but can’t seem to pinpoint it exactly. 
We never played together and were never close and in fact to this day she refuses to even speak to me. I look back and try to figure this what was a life changing event for my family and me in particular as things were so messed up. She was older by 5 years yet treated so differently than me. I could do no right and she was the Queen Bee. When we became older I was not told I was wrong when we fought I was only told ” Don’t upset your sister”. I’ll never forget he hitting me in the back with a coffee mug. I picked it up and my Dad screamed “Alan no don’t you dare” she laughed and walked away. Dad saw her hit me in my upper back but that’s okay she could have hit me on the head that too would have been fine.
It wasn’t explained to me why I was never to defend myself or had to watch as everyone bent over backwards for her. I never saw her punished in my life and she was always given whatever she wanted. We both got the mumps and it was if she may die any minute (exaggeration) but the 6 year old (me) was told “stop whining your okay”. I always felt pushed aside as no matter what I did I never could get my parents attention. It was never explained to me why until I became older and even then I was told never to bring it up and ” that’s the way it is”. 
That’s the way it is was already something I’d heard whenever I’d question most things. To me this is just surrendering and hiding the truth. I used to piss off the authority figures in my life as in my parents or elders. They’d ask me what I was doing as a teenager and I’d tell them. At times it was things most would lie about and get into trouble. Why lie? Tell the truth, my parents would look at me and I could see the thoughts going on inside. They wanted me to lie so they had a reason to punish me. I wouldn’t. Believe me they stopped asking and would just punish cause they knew I’d fess up. As I tried to teach my own kids not to lie I found out that it didn’t work as they’d lie their butts off. 
I loved many things as a child and some still remain the same. Reading has always been a favorite as I prefer nonfiction, history, psychology, autobiographies, sociology. There was one book that was written in 1949 that for reasons u known to me until now, 1984 a fictional book about the future. Something told me in 1975 when I first read it that it was not fiction it was really the future. If you’d read this book you will see hopefully what I saw then as it was telling the plan that would be our future.
Baseball remains my favorite sport despite my inability to give it the time I once had. I first played in a league at 8, due to birthdays I was always a few months behind my peers in age. My Dad and Mom liked to watch the Tigers on TV I’d watch but during the 68 World Series I was a St Louis Cardinal fan. When the Tigers won my Mom never let me forget I rooted for the wrong team. I became a Tigers fan and remain one today. I played for a team called the Red Barons I threw right handed and batted left. My parents always stressed right hand dominance. One game I was playing first base and the ball was thrown over my head, I ran after the ball shedding my glove and threw the ball back into the field. My coaches Mr. McDonald and Johnson stopped the game. They told me to throw again left handed. I did and it was then I became a left handed ball player. 
I’m considered ambidextrous as I can use either hand or have dominance with one or the other depending on what I’m doing. Right/Left brain function. Both sides working equally. Screwing me up on many motor skills and psychological. I have above average physical ability and above average understanding of emotional and logical thought. At 15 when my parents were forced to hire a lawyer attempting to get me back in school we were told my IQ. Probably a mistake on their part but as I’ve realized it was because  of it they didn’t understand why I didn’t like school. 
It wasn’t that I didn’t like school as I love to learn. My objection was and is the Bullshit politics involved. The attempt to fill our heads with lies and untruths to create what we see today. People that accept that phrase ” that’s the way it is .” the same went for organized sports and life in general. Even families play this game. God knows the hours I sat in front of Principals, Deans and trying g like hell to stop the BS. Just as we all have heard in the 2016 presidential election, even as children you were only allowed to vote for those that the powers that be chose. Trump did upset this but I must explain my experience as what I was told and saw. 
I broke a national record record that may still stand in Junior High. 40 yard shuttle run. After I’d done it and the gym teacher went into his office and called someone. I watched him looking at the stopwatch and saying things I couldn’t hear through the glass. I could tell he was arguing with whoever. He finally came out and said he was mistaken it was only a school record. Bullshit! I experienced  the same p!aying 3B baseball. As I was told I was the most valuable player the night before the awards by the coach. The net day as they announced my teams MVP I began to walk up as they announced another name. I waved and walked back down the steps. I was told later it was because I was given other awards during all-star tournaments. I was a kid for God sake. 
This never ended as when I played basketball, the end of the year ceremony the captain of the team was to get up and say a few words. At the beginning of the season everyone voted and picked our captain. I’m not naming names on purpose. So when it was announced that the captain was to speak I look at who I was told was the captain wondering why he didn’t get up to speak. I looked around and noticed everyone looking at me. Throwing my hands open saying what? I was told by my teammates that they all had voted for me as captain. I was experiencing corruption and fraud. 
This is just a tidbit and if I’d have the time a book that is nonfiction. I have been told many times to write about myself and my experiences that have made me who I am. If you are interested hit like and I will expand on this truthful journey. 

James Comey Hearing Exposes How Corrupt The Establishment Really Is

We wanted the swamp drained, however most never realized how deep it really is. This latest round of testimony by former FBI director James Comey proves it is worse than many could possibly realize. The Washington Establishment are nothing less than corrupt, backstabbing, liars who only worry about themselves and could care less about the republic its institutions or the people. James Comey is nothing but a criminal who abused his power and the entire FBI to further his own and others like him agendas in the destruction of the visions of our founding fathers. The Constitution that was written in order to limit the size and control of the Federal government has been ignored repeatedly as it is no longer considered viable to those who are sworn to uphold it. 
Comey showed how those in Washington DC play their games and willingly without hesitation break the law without worry of retribution or criminal indictment. They tie the system up with fraud and lies that only distract us from their criminal behaviors. How much longer are we going to sit quietly and say and do nothing about these evil people that believe they are above the law? The last time Comey testified he said nobody had ever attempted to interfere in any FBI investigation. It would have been “a big deal” he stated. Then suddenly now a little over a month later he claims that President Trump attempted to in the Michael Flynn case and then mentioned former AG Loretta Lynch’s statements on calling off the Hillary Clinton email case. 
With President Trump he did three things that should get him indicted. One, he turned over FBI documents to a third party to be leaked to the press. Two, he wrote these so-called memos on his personal computer. Three, he perjured himself repeatedly. And as with all who remain loyal to the criminal establishment Comey kept up the fraudulent claim that Russia interfered in the 2016 election and hacked the DNC and DCCC. The establishment line continues to be pushed despite zero evidence being produced. All diversions to the real crimes of the political assassination of Seth Rich and the high paid Pakistani congressional IT staffers known as the “Awan Brothers.”
Comey admitted that his reason in leaking his memo’s on his private conversations with President Trump was to force the Trump administration to hire a Special Counsel to investigate Russian interference (hoax). And as they do in Washington they hired former FBI director Robert Mueller who has a sparkling reputation. The establishment gives this man who covered up 9/11 nothing but praise. He’s one of them and can’t be trusted.
Never mind Hillary for prison, Benghazi, Private Server, Pay to Play, Clinton foundation fraud etc.. Never mind Obama and his treasonous actions along with being a war criminal by supporting the overthrow of several foreign governments. Never mind George W Bush creating the infrastructure for a police state through the Patriot Act along with covering up 9/11 and overthrowing foreign governments. Never mind Bill Clinton and his history of sexual assault and a multitude of scandals that began in Arkansas that continue to today. Never mind George HW Bush and his long history of overt and covert actions of creating a New World Oder. Let’s keep making the false claims that Russia interfered with the 2016 elections that even Comey admits didn’t change one vote. 
Comey like many who sit in Washington’s swamp of corruption and lies will walk away free to make millions as they all do. He is representative of the Establishment, Deep State, Globalist, New World Order that has one goal and that is to destroy the Republic of the United States of America. 

Obstruction Of Justice Former FBI Director James Comey Guilty?

That got your attention I bet. Through a private investigator Rod Wheeler and Wikileaks founder Julian Assange plus two unidentified sources. Seth Rich the DNC IT staffer who showed signs of a physical assault before being shot twice in the back that resulted in his death. Was the Wikileaks source of Democratic National Committee emails that the DNC and Hillary Clinton claimed was Russia. Rod Wheeler and Fox news have confirmed that over 43,000 emails were in fact sent from Seth Rich’s laptop to Gavin MacFadyen an American investigate journalist who headed the London offices of Wikileaks. The FBI source says that the FBI has the laptop. 
So why should Comey be charged with obstruction? James Comey was the director of the FBI, he held evidence that connected Rich as the DNC leaker. Comey ordered this evidence to be hidden and allowed a false story to continue about Russia hacking and Trump campaign collusion. Comey also has hindered the Seth Rich murder investigation and opened up an FBI investigation on members of the Trump campaign with full knowledge that there was no Russian involvement. He has allowed MSM and members of congress to deceive the American public. He has allowed 100’s of thousands of dollars to be waisted by the FBI, congress and other government agencies in the process. 
James Comey is nothing more than a Clinton Deep State stooge. He is a Fixer as they are known in the criminal world. The one called in to fix the crime scene by the criminal, to wipe any fingerprints or evidence away. The young 27 year old Seth Rich deserves to have the truth come out. He did what he felt was right at the time. He blew the whistle on major corruption in the DNC and paid the ultimate price. You can bet that Comey knows all the details and has withheld this evidence of what in truth was a political assassination. 
It wasn’t the Russians after all and Comey allowed all of the lies and fake news to progress in an attempt to overthrow the lawfully elected President of the United States. If you can’t see who these people are I feel sorry for you. The fact is I fear for my country as evil sits in some of the highest posts in the land. We are at war not only with a terrorist organization created by members of our own government (ISIS). We are at war with many within our government who could care less about human life. What will become of us? 

Rise Above…. My Personal Journey Through Life pt.1

Chase your dreams and never give up, if you really want something bad enough it will happen. Don’t allow anyone to talk you out of what is in your heart. Its not their decision to make. God gave us all several talents, maybe not to be the best in the world or number one, but enough to achieve true happiness in what you do. I often wonder what life would be like if I had followed my dreams that I had as a child. My love of baseball was one I began, I’d play with friends in an empty lot, or play catch all summer long. Even when no one else was around I’d throw a ball straight up in the air just to catch and repeat, played organized ball and had a blast. One thing I never cared about was whether we won or lost as it was the game, the at bat or just standing at my position hoping the ball would be hit my way. After all there was tomorrow, another game another chance to win or lose. To me it was the fun, the hat, uniform, the glove, bat and ball. Sadly for myself I didn’t follow this dream for many reasons, some my own and some the actions of others. Coach Sanders at UT and the Minnesota Twins gave me my last chances but by then I had given up on myself and the game I loved. One dream I gave up the chase. 
I was lucky as a child as I could try anything and do it well, I was athletic and also I was born with what is known as a photographic memory. My problem was that I used this memory selectively, and wasn’t driven to see the importance of education in the traditional sense. Both parents worked and my sister being older, we were never close. I was left to my own imagination, when small I’d spend hours playing by myself with toy soldiers or cowboys and Indians. The epic battles I’d create took hours sometimes days to complete. And truthfully I loved every minute of it, I was alone but that never bothered me those toy soldiers and cowboys and Indians were all the companionship I needed. 

As I think back upon my life I realize now that I was very much a loner, not by choice, just circumstance, as I lived between my grandparents home and the one with Mom and Dad. My father had a couple of bookcases full of books, I’d sneak and grab one and take it to my room, this was before I knew even how to read. There were National Geographics that I used to just look at the pictures of many interesting places, people and things. There was also books about World War II, and American history. I saw the words and yet couldn’t read at the time but I knew one day I would. This of course is when I began to develop my love of books that I still have today. 
It was when I became a teenager that I began to dream of becoming a writer, the TV show the Walton’s gave me the ability to dream about doing this. I made a mistake and announced it to those who I thought would support this idea. My family quickly frowned on this idea, my sister just had to mention that the great writers were known to suffer from alcohol or drug addictions. And in truth I hated school especially Language, English or literary courses. So dream number two went down in flames without fanfare or much thought to just do it despite of what others said. After all I still had baseball at this point. And I could read and learn what I wanted to know. I was never interested in fiction ironically, considering my imagination was a strong part of me. I wanted to write about history or current events and in my mind fiction shouldn’t be included when telling those stories. 
By the time I was 20 both of these dreams had become forgotten and become only a memory that I would keep and hold. I could still read and learn whatever I wanted but life had already begun to spin out of control, my life of addictions had begun. My mind would never be the same again as I had lost all my desires and dreams, (one I haven’t mentioned here, but I’ll write about that at a later time as it seems to becoming true.) So again I tell you all, never stop chasing your dreams like I had it will certainly make you feel like you failed in every sense of the word. After all what is life without dreams?